• Sara Silvestri, MD FAAP

A Letter to Our Son's Birth Mother

Updated: Oct 5, 2020

Today I wrote an update letter to our birth mother. This was our fifth letter and was the fifth time I have cried as I wrote it. Am I the only one who cries with these updates? I just feel that I will never be able to express the depth of my gratitude adequately. I cried for the love I have for our child. I cried with so much thanks to simply be allowed to be part of his life. I cried for the sacrifice she has made.

When I first started to write these letters I googled advice on what to include. While I’m sure that height and weight are somewhat interesting, I’ve really tried to convey who our son is. This is especially true as he’s aged and he’s showing us more of himself. I want his birth mother to know that he’s smart, funny and has a kind heart. The pictures will show how handsome he is but I try to convey how truly charming he can be. I tell her about his favorite songs he likes to sing, the cute way he says certain phrases and his obsession with trains. I discuss the trips we’ve taken and adventures we’ve had so that she knows that we are trying to give him unique experiences and a full childhood. I provide some everyday reality such as describing our potty training struggles and update some of his health history. Finally I tell her he’s a happy loving child and I pray that gives her some comfort and peace if she needs it.

I can never choose just a few pictures to send. He really is a photogenic child and somehow has picked up the ability to naturally pose like a model. Initially I sent photos of him alone but I’m gradually adding photos of him with family and friends (I always ask permission to send those first). For the first time, I will be sending a sample of his artwork and school projects.

I do not know what happens to these letters and pictures. I don’t know if they are stuck in a closet and hidden away or if they are shared with others. I don’t even know if they are opened. I hope that they are and that she sees the love we all share, but I can’t say that I know what I would do if I were in her position.

I know that someday it’s possible that one of these letters may include a request from our son for more information or more contact from her. I think about all of the possible outcomes from that and I think of how I can best support him.

I always close my letters telling her how much we think of her, pray for her and thank her. I truly hope that her life has become as blessed as she’s blessed ours. She has given us a gift that I will never fully be able to repay. The best I can do is love our child with all of my might and hold her in my heart.

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